• 2nd December 2022

Your Right to Orgasm: Communicating With Your Partner

Sex is a mix of emotions; pleasure, excitement, euphoria are the generally expected moods from sex. But what is expected is not always delivered; sex can be boring, painful, disappointing as well.

Whereas it is easier for men to orgasm, and have a hard time faking it, women on the other hand, might need some extra stimulation, and well, they can fake it to save the pride of the partner as well. But this doesmake sex stale and rather unexciting.

Moreover, it is extremely unfair to women to not derive pleasure the same way their partner does. This can unfold into relationship issues, sexual tension in women, surly disposition etc.

To be fair, lack of orgasm is not always due to lack of diligence from the partner. Sexual dysfunction is a condition marked by lack of libido, problems with getting orgasm, lack of lubrication in women etc. Hence, it may very well be that this dysfunction is preventing from satisfactory sex, and thus a visit to the best sexologist in Lahore is due.

Both partners have equal needs

Due to the societal conceptualization of sex, in a heterosexual couple, male satisfaction is deemed more important. Women are told to prioritize the needs of their husbands and put themselves secondary.

Moreover, as they already do not get pleasure out from sex, they view it with disdain rather than excitement. This is why very few women get orgasm from vaginal penetrative sex. Enter, vibrators. Which when discovered by the husbands, can become a sore point with them!

Talk about it!

Differential perspective about sex is neither healthy nor sustainable. Sex is a primitive act and we all have needs. If your partner is unable to provide them, then talking about it is imperative as otherwise you will become resentful and agitated with your partner.

Healthy relationship entails full disclosure!

Everyone has different sexual needs, different turn-ons and different conceptualizations of sex. Hence, you cannot use cookie cutter technique every time. It might not work, and the lack of communication will just make things worse.

Instead, it is imperative to understand your partner. Together, work through your sexual needs. Talk and share your likes and dislikes. Have a candid decision about what are your expectations from sex, what are some things you’d like to do, your triggers.

Once you know your partner better, sexual pleasure becomes easier to achieve!

Don’t be shy!

Many people feel too shy to discuss their needs with the partner. Due to this feeling of shame, they do not tell their partners what they are doing right or wrong. There then remains a perpetual gap between the two, alongside lack of orgasm.

Hence, take a deep breath and talk it out. In the worst case, it will perturb your partner, but it will get them thinking about the pleasure gap that exists. In the best case, it will lead to sex with changed technique. The eventual outcome of both will be better communication and ultimately, better sex.

Your partner will not have an epiphany

If you are not satisfied by your sex life, you have to tell your partner that. You might be faking your way through the sexual trysts, but your convincing act might not be perceived so by your partner, who also might be under the allusion that you are enjoying the sexual escapades.

Hence, it is important to realize that you need to communicate with your partner. Realize, that unless you tell your partner, they will not have an epiphany.

Not only is then it unfair on you but also for your partner. From their technique to the banal matters like personal hygiene, anything can be holding back your orgasm. While it can a little uncomfortable to discuss the latter, let that not be a hurdle in having a candid discussion.

But know how to talk

Just because you have worked up a nerve to talk to your partner does not mean your communication has to be ill-planned. You need to carefully draft your response so that your partner is not hurt.

Therefore, start not with accusations, but take shared blame for the dissonance. Rather than outrightly saying that you are not fond of their technique, say something politer like how you’d like to experiment with sex. It will take the burden off your partner as well.

Also, pay attention to the mood and the time. Talking about it before or after sex might not be right; too much pressure will befall your partner. Instead, talk when the mood is light and when your partner is open to discussion.

Consult an expert if need be

If talking about is still not helping, then you might need an expert intervention. Talking to an expert like the best sexologist in Karachi will help you find sexual harmony and fix the lack of orgasms.

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